


it's only a paper moon

by airnomadenthusiast



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: (in the sense that Sokka thinks he and Suki are still dating and they realize they've grown apart), Angst With A Bittersweet Ending, Boiling Rock, Cheating, F/F, Gen, Trauma, immortal being visiting a prisoner to lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-18 12:49:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29243859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/airnomadenthusiast/pseuds/airnomadenthusiast
Summary: Suki grasps for love wherever she can find it, including from the moon at her window.
Relationships: Sokka & Suki (Avatar), Sokka & Zuko (Avatar), Suki & Zuko (Avatar), Suki/Yue (Avatar)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	it's only a paper moon

**Author's Note:**

> I saw a post about Suki and Yue potentially talking while Suki's at Boiling Rock and my brain was IMMEDIATELY like "here's how yueki can win." And then I made them lose :) 
> 
> mentions of death, also this entire fic takes place in a prison so if that triggers you I'd avoid this one. also also, this fic kinda messed with my beta's head so @GildedFlowers thank you so much for betaing this and all the rest of my fics and I'm very sorry this hurt you!
> 
> submission for Day 6 of Winter ATLA Femslash Week: The Moon

Suki wasn’t sure how long it had been like this. The days in her cell blended together, a mess of sleeping and waking and fighting off guards and being pushed in and out, listening for the slightest bit of gossip that could help her escape (though hearing about the Fire Prince’s defection every day didn’t help her much) and finally, sitting on the floor, crying for the people she’d left behind, who weren’t here anymore. Her warriors. Sokka. Her mother.

But she did know the day it changed. 

A guard opened the door to her cell, and found her on the floor. “Get up.” 

She stood, swiping the hair out of her face and the tears off of her cheek. She was never going to let anybody see her cry here. 

“Congratulations,” the guard said roughly. “The warden says you’ve displayed good behavior. He wants to give you a reward. Follow me.” 

Suki followed, her body rigid and primed for an attack. Trusting somebody at Boiling Rock was suicide, and she knew it. Someday, they were going to trick her. 

But this wasn’t that day. The guard shoved her toward a new cell, slightly bigger than her old one, with a tiny window through which she could see the sky, the stars, a near full moon. 

“You’re moving up in the world,” the guard said, before leaving her. 

It was a joke, at her expense, and she knew it. She knew that this didn’t solve any of her problems, that this was a cheap show of goodwill that meant nothing. But still, she smiled. 

For the first time in a long time, she could see the moon. 

__________________

When Suki was little, her mother had talked to the moon. 

It was one of the things that had made their little family so atypical on Kyoshi Island. At night, people would gather around bonfires, talking and laughing and making stew, and Suki would be off to the side, watching her mother on the shore as she talked to the moon. She would crouch behind a rock, and she would never quite be able to hear what her mother was saying, but the image of her in the blue-black night, the wind whipping against her skin, the smell of salt from the ocean in the air, the low rumble of the unagi; it all stayed with Suki. The moon never replied—at least, not in a way that Suki could hear—but her mother talked anyway. Their lives were filled with turmoil, but in those moments, Suki could see her face, peaceful and serene. 

The worst nights of Suki’s life had been when the moon wasn’t out. Her mother would curl up on the mat beside her, crying, every time the moon disappeared from the sky. 

“But it’s going to come back,” Suki would say. 

And her mother would sniff. “How do you know?” 

“The moon always comes back.” 

That’s when she would turn away from Suki. “So you don’t know.” 

From the moment Suki was born, she knew that her mother was lonely, that everybody on the island hated her. Her mother didn’t speak of it, but it didn’t take long for Suki to figure it out, to hear whispers about pirates, about her affair with the captain, about her mother’s jilted husband who’d left Kyoshi and never come back. Every time her mother walked out of the house, someone called her a fool, a criminal, a danger to the island. The first time Suki tried to join the Kyoshi Warriors, one of the girls had spat at her feet. “We don’t let in  _ pirates.”  _

She had no one. No one but Suki and the moon. 

One day, she stopped going outside. A month later, she’d stopped eating. When she died, everybody told Suki it was better this way. For a moment, Suki believed them. She was inducted into the Kyoshi Warriors under the new moon, and she thought she’d never been so happy in her life. For the first time, she had a family. She belonged somewhere. She could need, and someone else could deliver. 

But every full moon, she thought of her mother. Wondered if she should have chosen differently. If there had ever been any way for her to help. 

She hadn’t been able to stop thinking of her mother since she’d gotten to Boiling Rock. She was in every corner, silent, weeping, refusing the food that Suki brought to her, withering away, growing more and more feeble, and yet never leaving for good. 

And now, she had the moon. 

“What would you do?” Suki whispered to no one. “If you were me, what would you do?” 

The next night, the moon was half full, looming large in the sky, shining brighter than any of the stars surrounding it. The wind whipped Suki’s hair the same way it had on Kyoshi Island, and if she closed her eyes, she could smell salt. 

“I, um.” She coughed. “I’m not really sure how this conversation is supposed to begin.” 

The moon said nothing. Suki thought about giving up and going to sleep, but something—maybe the memory of her mother—told her to keep going. 

So she kept going. 

“My mother used to talk to you,” she said slowly. “She was lonely, and I think you made her feel… less alone. For a little bit, at least. Thank you for that, by the way. She—we had a rough time of things, but… I loved her. I just wanted her to be okay. And I couldn’t make her okay, so I’m glad you could.” 

Nothing. Suki wasn’t entirely sure what she expected. She didn’t feel any of the lightness that she’d seen in her mother’s face on those nights. Just a sinking feeling in her chest, knowing that she’d hit rock bottom. 

_ Why would the moon ever say something to me?  _

“Anyway,” Suki said. “This has been a hard year for me. Not that I can remember a year of my life that wasn’t hard, but—” she swallowed “—this is the first time I’ve ever had hope, you know? This is the first time I’ve believed that things can get better than they are. I gave up  _ everything  _ so things might have a chance of getting better than they are.” 

Sokka’s face came into her mind, and she choked back a sob. She didn’t even know if Appa had made it back to them yet. Maybe she never would. 

“I miss Sokka,” Suki said quietly. “I miss my friends. I miss being outside. I miss my Kyoshi Warrior uniform. I just—I’m lonely, okay? Please, can you help me?” 

A tear rolled down her cheek, and she made no move to wipe it away. She couldn’t remember a time in her life where she’d let anybody see her cry, ever. But there was no one here. She wasn’t going to pretend otherwise. 

She sighed and got underneath the thin blanket they’d given her, tossing and turning for hours before finally drifting into sleep. 

And in her dreams was where she saw her. 

A beautiful girl, about her age, dressed entirely in white. Her hair was black as midnight, and her eyes were a soft, deep brown. As soon as she saw Suki, her face broke into a wide grin. 

“It’s so lovely to finally meet you.” 

Suki frowned. “Who are you?” 

The girl’s smile grew wider. “My name is Yue. I’m the moon.” 

“You are?” Suki frowned. “But—but I thought—you’re a person?” 

The girl laughed, and it didn’t sound like the tinkling of bells, or whatever Suki would have expected from a girl who was also the moon, a girl so ethereal and beautiful she could only appear in Suki’s dreams. It was loud and free and indelicate, and it made Suki want to laugh too. 

“I used to be a person,” Yue said. “You needed someone to talk to, so here I am.” 

Suki blinked slowly. “How—what—where did you  _ come from?”  _

“I lived at the North Pole,” Yue said simply. “My father was chief of the Northern Water Tribe.” 

_ The North Pole?  _ “I had friends who were going to the North Pole,” Suki said. “Sokka—I mean, the Avatar and his companions. Did you know them?” 

Yue’s smile turned sad. “Yes, I did,” she said. 

“How?” 

Yue bit her lip. “Well, I—oh, I don’t know how you’ll feel about this.” 

“Just tell me.” 

“Well, we—Sokka and I—we were together.” Her expression darkened. “I was in love with him.” 

Suki smiled. “I know the feeling.” 

Maybe Suki should feel a pang of jealousy, hearing this beautiful girl say that she and Sokka were in love, but she didn’t. All she could think about was how much sadder Sokka had seemed the last time she saw him. As if this war that had already taken so much from him could take away even more. 

“It was wonderful,” Yue said. “But then Zhao killed Tui, and I—I had to take her place.” 

“That’s admirable,” Suki said. “Giving up your life to save the rest of the world.” 

“Thank you.” Yue took her hand, and Suki felt her whole body light up from the inside. “What you’ve done is admirable too. You’re a hero.” 

In any other circumstance, Suki would have downplayed the things she’d done, the happiness she’d given up, but something about Yue made her feel at ease. “I know. But that doesn’t make the days here any easier.” 

Yue nodded. “That’s understandable.” 

“I’ve always been able to do something,” Suki said. “When my mother died, I trained to join the Kyoshi Warriors. When the war came to our shores, I led the Warriors to the Earth Kingdom to join the fight. And—and now—” She stopped. “I’m not sure I’ve ever talked about myself that much before.” 

“It’s easy, isn’t it?” 

“What?” 

“To hide the messy, complicated parts of yourself.” Yue’s eyes bore into Suki’s. “To build your walls up so high that from the outside, people only see the version of you that you’re supposed to be. The beautiful, aloof chief’s daughter.” She smirked. “Or the heroic Kyoshi Warrior who always saves the day.” 

Suki drew her hand back. “You don’t know anything about me.” 

“But I do,” Yue said. “You told me. About how your mother neglected you—” 

“I never said—” 

“You didn’t have to.” Yue held Suki’s gaze, and Suki swallowed. She wanted to demand that Yue not pity her, but strangely, she didn’t see any pity in the other girl’s eyes. Just understanding. “She was lonely, and having you around didn’t make her less so. Instead of parenting you, she chose to blame you for the state of her life.” 

Suki stared at her. “Did you know her?”

Yue shook her head softly. “No. That was before my time.” 

“It’s okay. I barely knew her either.” She laughed softly. “I used to spy on her, while she was talking to y—Tui. That was the only time I ever saw her happy.” 

Yue reached out and took Suki’s hand again. “She had a lot more to be happy about than Tui.” 

“I know,” Suki said, wiping her eyes. “I loved her. I  _ love _ her.”

Yue rubbed Suki’s hand with her thumb as she rested on Suki’s shoulder. Suki usually didn’t let people she didn’t know touch her like this, but strangely enough, she didn’t mind. Not when it was her. “Of course you do. I loved my father, even when he tried to force me into a marriage that I didn’t want. Just because we love our parents doesn’t mean we have to like them.” 

Suki hid her face. “Right.” 

Yue smiled. “You can cry in front of me. I promise I won’t tell.”

“I don’t cry in front of people.” She never had, and even if conversation with Yue was effortless, even if she felt lighter than she had in years, she wasn’t going to cross that boundary. 

Yue grinned. “But that’s the best thing about this arrangement, isn’t it? I’m not a person, I’m the moon.” 

Suki laughed, in spite of herself. “I guess so.”

She moved so that she was closer to Yue, trying to bask in her light a little longer, but as soon as she did, Yue began to fade. “The sun is rising,” she said. “I have to go.” 

“What?” She didn’t expect the bottom to fall out from under her, but now that she could see through Yue’s skin in the rising light of the sun, she wanted to get on her knees and beg her to stay. 

Yue cupped Suki’s cheek very seriously, and looked into her eyes. “It’s temporary. I’ll come back tomorrow.” 

Suki put her hand over Yue’s on her cheek. “How do you know?” 

“I always do.” And with that, Yue disappeared, and Suki was alone again.

___________________

Daytime was torture for Suki. She knew the Firebender guards were stronger then, and what was worse, no matter how many times she shut her eyes, she couldn’t see Yue until the moon rose. So every morning, Suki counted down the heartbeats until she could see Yue again. At first, she thought it was just the thrill of seeing another person who was friendly with her, but as she got to know Yue, otherworldly and perfect and yet so human, her white dress flowing as she held Suki’s hand and promised that everything would be all right, she realized that another person would never be able to give her what Yue gave her. Every night, Suki told her things she had never told another soul, and Yue listened, and she said the right thing, every time. She laughed, she smiled, she looked at Suki with big, bottomless brown eyes. Before she knew it, Yue began to feel like home. 

“Do you show up in other people’s dreams?” Suki asked one night. “Or is it just me?” 

Hesitation flitted across Yue’s face, and disappeared just as quickly as it had shown up. “I’m always protecting my people,” she said slowly. “And once, Sokka was in this swamp, and I appeared to him, just to let him know that everything was going to be all right.” She swallowed. “But no. You’re the only person whose dreams I visit.” 

“Why?” Suki could feel the heat rising in her neck. “Don’t other people ask you for help?” 

“They ask me for help, but not for my companionship,” Yue said. “Well, no, that’s not entirely true.” She coughed. “Sokka talks to me, sometimes. It’s better now than it used to be. The first couple of weeks after I became the moon were… so hard for him. I don’t think he could stand it. And he would ask me… he would ask me to see him one last time.”

“And did you?” 

“No.” She pursed her lips. “It was hard for me too. But I couldn’t—I couldn’t give in to that. He would become dependent on me, and he would never be able to move on. He needed to find happiness and purpose where he was, and he wasn’t going to do that if I was in his dreams all the time.” 

Suki nodded. “Do you think he did that?” 

Yue looked down at her hands. “I think he still misses me,” she whispered. “But I think he’s going to be okay, and he knows that. He has other people who bring him happiness now.” 

Yue looked at her pointedly, and Suki remembered that  _ she _ was supposed to be one of those people, that Sokka was probably looking for her as they spoke. And he would find her, and then they would try to end the war, and if they didn’t die, they would be…

They would be what?

“With you it’s different,” Yue continued. “You didn’t know me when I was alive. You have people waiting for you once you get out of here. I’m just keeping you company until they get here.” 

Suki thought she heard Yue’s voice hitch at that last word, but she didn’t allow herself to dwell on it. “Right. This is just temporary.” 

“It has to be,” Yue said, a touch too quickly. “You have too much waiting for you outside of this infernal place to be stuck inside your head with me.” 

“Of course,” Suki said quietly. 

She looked at Yue then, and she felt tears rising to her eyes. She was so beautiful. And not in the way that Suki had first thought. It wasn’t the otherworldly glow emanating from her that was beautiful, or how her dress and hair were always flowing, or how her feet never touched the ground. Those were surface things. They didn’t matter. 

What mattered to Suki was how much Yue cared. How careful she was. How she would do anything for the people she loved. How she wasn’t afraid to say what she knew to be true. That was the beauty of Yue: she was a person still, and she acted like it. She laughed, she cried. She was in just as much pain when they parted as Suki was. Or at least, Suki thought so. 

“Still, it makes me feel special. Knowing I’m the only one whose dreams you haunt every night,” Suki said, grinning. 

Yue grinned back. “You are special.” She tucked a lock of hair behind Suki’s ear. “You deserve every good thing the world has to offer.” 

“Thank you.” Suki caught Yue’s hand and held it between her fingers. “This isn’t so bad, don’t you think?” 

“Not so bad at all,” Yue said, and Suki’s stomach twisted. 

If only she were different. If only everything was different. 

___________________

When Suki fell asleep the next night, she didn’t see Yue. Instead, she saw a tall woman with long black hair and daofei makeup, holding herself just a little bit too rigidly. 

“Avatar Kyoshi,” she breathed, falling to her knees. 

“Suki, it’s all right, you can stand,” Kyoshi said. There was a warmth in her voice that Suki didn’t expect. “I’m so sorry I haven’t come to visit you sooner.” 

“Why would you come visit me?” 

Kyoshi walked over to her and smoothed down her hair. “Because you are my fiercest warrior,” she said, a hint of pride in her voice. Suki beamed. “And because you need help.” 

“I’m fine,” Suki said. “Well, as fine as I can be in prison, but I’m sure my friends will come for me soon, and besides, I have—” 

She stopped when she saw the stormy look on Kyoshi’s face. “I’m so sorry,” Kyoshi said quietly. “I never should have let it get this far.” 

Suki wanted to protest—she was fine, she had  _ Yue _ —but she didn’t want to go against the woman she’d idolized her entire life.

“Suki.” Kyoshi knelt to meet Suki’s eyes. “The path that you’re walking leads only to heartbreak.” 

Suki’s stomach dropped like a stone. 

“There are some people who can traverse both our world and the Spirit World,” Kyoshi continued. “The Avatar, as you know, but there are others who have spiritual inclinations. You have spiritual gifts, and with time and dedication, you could master them. There’s a reason that the moon chose you, after all.” 

“I don’t understand.” 

Kyoshi put a hand on Suki’s shoulder. “Listen to me. Love is important. I know this. Love made me who I was. Love saved me. But there are some boundaries that love cannot cross. Love cannot supersede every bad thing in the world. Do you understand me?” 

Suki bit her lip. “That’s not what’s happening. Yue and I—”

But even as she said it, she knew it wasn’t true. Even now, she was thinking of the new moon, dreading how her heart was going to break without seeing Yue for one night. 

_ But she’s going to come back. _

_ How do you know?  _

Kyoshi sighed. “I can’t sway you, can I?” She stood again. “All I ask is that you be careful.”

Suki nodded. “I will.” But even that wasn’t a promise that she was sure she could keep. 

“Good.” Kyoshi smiled halfheartedly. “You know, when I was alive, I lost someone very important to me because he thought he could rise above what constrains every human being.” She looked directly into Suki’s eyes. “I don’t want to see history repeat itself.” 

And with that, she disappeared, and Suki woke up, panting. 

The moon was waning. Only a sliver of it remained. But there it was. She pulled the blanket over her shoulders and let her eyes droop, until she saw Yue again. 

“You’re here,” she said, touching Suki’s shoulder. 

“I’m here,” Suki said, resting her head on Yue’s lap. “I’m here.” 

_____________________

The night of the new moon, Suki didn’t sleep. 

She knew this was coming, had known for weeks. It was just one night. Suki could live without Yue for one night. 

It wasn’t fair. Whenever Suki looked out her window and saw the empty night sky, all she could think about was what she was missing, Yue’s shining eyes and wide smile. There was a gaping hole in Suki’s heart now, and it looked like a new moon. 

And when she looked away from the window, to where the starlight touched the corners of her cell, she saw her mother, smiling at her. 

_ You thought it couldn’t happen to you, didn’t you? _

_ I told you so.  _

At some point, Suki got under the covers, but she didn’t sleep. She couldn’t imagine sleeping without Yue, in her dreams or even, Suki dared to hope, by her side. There was no point slipping into a dream where Yue wasn’t present. There was no point in living a life without her.

Suki drew her knees up close to her chest. She never thought she would feel this way about anyone, like the world could end and she would be fine with it as long as Yue was with her. She’d never needed anyone before, and she didn’t want to need anyone ever again. It was torture, picturing Yue’s face without being able to see her for real. 

_ Just one night. Only one night.  _

_ How do you know?  _

_ The moon always comes back.  _

Suki felt the tears roll down her cheeks, the dry sobs wracking her body as she hid her face in her chest.  _ I don’t know. I don’t know.  _

_ ___________________________ _

It wasn’t just one night. 

The next afternoon, Suki left her cell for the first time in days, trying to enjoy the sunlight even though the only thing she wanted to see was the moon. Later, when she lay down on her cot, staring up at the ceiling as she waited for sleep to come, a guard interrupted her thoughts. 

She sat up. The last time a guard had come into her room, she’d been moved to a new cell. What if they were doing it again? Were they going to take her window away? “What is it? Did I do something wrong?” 

The guard crossed his arms. “You mean you don’t recognize me?” 

She turned away from him. “You people all look the same to me.” She regretted it as soon as she said it. It wasn’t too much of a dig, but maybe it would be enough for them to take the window away. 

But the guard didn’t seem mad about it. “Oh? Then maybe you’ll recognize this.” 

Suki turned back to him and saw that he was smirking lasciviously. He leaned in, and Suki felt her blood go cold. Before she could even think about it, she grabbed his chin and shoved him into the door. He fell on his butt and groaned, and his helmet fell off of his head. Her eyes grew wide. 

“Sokka! It’s you!”

She ran forward to hug him, tears streaming down her face. This was a good thing. This was the best thing. He had come for her. This was what she wanted. 

Wasn’t it?

“The other Kyoshi Warriors, are they here?” Sokka asked as she helped him up. 

“No. I don’t know where they are.” This sinking feeling in her chest was because she didn’t know where her girls were. It had to be. “They locked me in here because I’m the leader.” 

Sokka cupped her cheek, and she smiled, but all she could picture was Yue doing the same. Yue, who she probably wouldn’t be seeing tonight. “Well, you won’t be here for long. I’m busting you out.” 

She smiled as she held his wrist. This was good. This had to be good. 

“I’m so glad to see you, Sokka,” she mustered up. It sounded convincing enough. “I knew you’d come.” That was true. She’d always believed that Sokka would come for her, that they would be together again. 

And they were. Even if it wasn’t the same as before.

He looked into her eyes, soft and sure, and leaned in. She leaned back, remembering all of the good times. Remembering when she could look into Sokka’s eyes and not see anyone else. Remembering when she could kiss him and not picture Yue’s face. 

She had missed him so much. But still, it wasn’t the same as before. 

Somebody knocked on the door, and they broke apart, hiding underneath the window in the door. Suki couldn’t hear much, but there was a loud noise as somebody was shoved onto the other side of the door. Sokka left her room as they struggled, and she heard somebody calling for an arrest. 

She crouched down on the other side of the door. He was okay. He had to be. 

Another rap on her door. “Time to clean!” 

She sighed and got up, her head swimming. How did Sokka get here? How was he planning to get them out? And what happened after? 

She grabbed a mop and got to work. The floors of the prison were grimy no matter how thoroughly the prisoners cleaned them. She imagined they did this on purpose, somehow, but she hadn’t yet figured out how yet. 

The guards brought a boy out and shoved him in her direction. He was pale, almost drawn, and he was wearing the loose-fitting red shirt and pants that they all wore. His black hair was about the same length as hers, and it was shaggy and greasy. If it weren’t for the scar covering half his face, she might not have recognized him at all. 

_ Zuko.  _

A not-small part of her wanted to hurl him at the nearest wall, but something in her told her not to move. She remembered something the Earthbender girls would talk about during training. Neutral jing, waiting and listening until they found the right time to strike.

_ His people are the reason Yue’s not here.  _

She gritted her teeth. Hopefully, the right time to strike was soon. 

“So,” she said, when she was sure that the guards were out of earshot. “They caught you, huh?” 

He bristled. “Listen, I want to help you.” 

“How are you supposed to help me? In case you haven’t noticed, we’re wearing the same uniform.” 

“That… wasn’t part of the plan.” 

She sucked in a breath. “Look, I don’t need your help. Someone’s already come for me. So you can just—” 

“Sokka?” he asked. “That’s who you’re talking about, right?” 

Suki grimaced as she mopped up some dried… vomit, it looked like. Gross. “How did you know that?” 

“We came together.” 

Suki cursed under her breath. “Why would Sokka go anywhere with you?” 

“It’s a long story.” Zuko sighed. “Look, you trust Sokka, don’t you?” 

“With my life.” 

As soon as she said it, she wished she hadn’t. The less the Fire Nation prince knew about who she trusted and who she didn’t, the better. 

“Sokka brought me along for this mission,” Zuko said. “And he trusts me. I think.” He sighed. “Please. All I want to do is help him, and you. But if I’m going to do that, you’re going to have to trust me.” 

Suki opened her mouth to say something else—something along the lines of “I don’t have to do anything for you”—but before she could, she saw Sokka coming down the stairs. “Oh good, you guys have met.” 

Suki scowled. “Actually, we met a long time ago.”

“We did?” 

If they weren’t in a maximum security prison, and if Sokka weren’t standing right behind her, and if she weren’t practicing stupid neutral jing, she might have punched him. “Yeah, you kind of burned down my village.” 

He didn’t say anything for a moment, and Suki hoped against hope that that was where the conversation would end. But then, he opened his damn mouth again. “Oh, sorry about that. Nice to see you again.” 

Suki clenched the mop handle. Seriously, how did Sokka get stuck with this guy? Why was he Sokka’s only option?

Sokka pulled them into a corner, and Suki dropped her mop. She didn’t have a vested interest in keeping this place clean. He knelt down. “I think I came up with an escape plan.” 

_____________________

For the next few nights, Suki’s life was filled with escape plans. The real world. Sokka had come up with a great plan to get out of this volcano using the coolers, but Suki wasn’t sure it was going to work. She didn’t trust Zuko, and Sokka seemed… different than he had been before. He didn’t think things through as much as he used to. 

She could barely think, let alone sleep. Yue was in the back of her mind always, but Sokka needed her to protect him from Zuko. And for a few moments, it seemed like it was working. There was a future waiting for her, she kept telling herself. There was a war. 

Maybe she could do it. Maybe she wasn’t like her mother at all. 

“Suki?” 

Suki whipped around to see Yue, illusory, a vision streaming through her window with the moonlight. “What—how—how did you—” 

“I haven’t seen you in a while,” Yue said quietly. “I missed you.”

Suki smiled. “I missed you too.” How had she ever fooled herself, she thought, into thinking that she could live a life without needing Yue? She ran to her, trying to put her arms around her the way she would in her dreams, but she grasped at nothing. 

Yue bit the inside of her lip. “Listen, Suki, there’s something we need to talk about.” 

“What do you mean?” She stiffened. “Did I do something wrong?” 

“No, no, not at all. You’ve done everything right, actually.” Yue smiled. “You reunited with Sokka. You’re about to get out of here. Soon, you won’t need me anymore.”

Suki’s stomach dropped. “What do you mean, I won’t need you?” 

It may have been a trick of the light, but Suki could have sworn that Yue’s eyes had turned glassy. “You’re back with your real friends now.” 

“Zuko’s not my friend.” 

“That’s not who I meant.” 

Suki scowled. “I’m not trading you for the Fire Prince.” She stepped closer to Yue, cupping her face, willing it to turn to solid flesh and bone underneath her fingers. “I’m not trading you for anyone,” she said, touching their foreheads together. “No one is more important than you.” 

A tear fell down Yue’s cheek. “I know what Kyoshi said to you.” 

“Love, don’t worry about her—” 

“She’s right.” Yue wouldn’t meet Suki’s eyes. “I thought—I thought I was doing a good thing, but I wasn’t. I’ve been so selfish. I’m hurting you.” 

Suki shook her head. “You could never hurt me,” she whispered, leaning in. 

Kissing Yue was cosmic. Suki didn’t know, but she could feel Yue’s lips, wispy and feather-light, moving against her own, insistent. She closed her eyes and felt Yue’s grip on her shoulders, the warmth of a dying star lighting up her skin, making her feel more alive than she had ever been—

A rap on her door. “Suki?” Sokka whispered. “It’s me.” 

And in a flash of light, Yue disappeared, and Suki crumpled to the ground. 

______________________

They were escaping under the cover of night. Suki should have known. 

The ghost of that kiss, Yue’s lips, her fingers, her warmth, filled Suki’s senses. Even now, when the cold bit at Suki’s skin and her calves burned from running, everything in her was lit up. Suki’s world was awash in silvery moonlight, flitting across the tops of the watchtowers and the depths of the boiling lake, mingling with the steam rising from there. She could almost feel Yue’s touch on her, stroking her back, pushing her forward. Away from her. 

She saw Sokka and Zuko approach with the cooler, and she and Chit Sang ran to meet them. It was a good plan, using the cell that they used to icebox Firebenders to get across the boiling lake. 

Sokka was good. He was kind and smart and thoughtful and Suki should be happy with him, she should love him, she should run into his arms and never leave. She shouldn’t be thinking about the moon. 

“Took you guys long enough,” Chit Sang said. “This here’s my girl and my best buddy. They’re coming too.” 

Sokka glowered. “Fine. Everybody in the cooler. Let’s go.”

Suki looked up, briefly, at the moon. When she looked back, she saw Sokka doing the same thing. Then, he picked up a rock and moved it aside to get his Water Tribe clothes. 

Zuko cleared his throat. “Are you sure you want to go? You’re the one who said you wanted to redeem yourself, redeem your honor. Rescuing your dad is your chance.” 

Suki’s stomach dropped. “Your dad?” Now he was sacrificing his dad to save her?

Sokka turned back towards the both of them, and Suki could see so much pain in his eyes, the weight of a war older than he was resting on his shoulders. It was what had drawn her to him in the first place. He played the role of the dashing young hero, but really he was just a kid, with too much responsibility and too much to lose. The same as her. “If I had just cut my losses at the invasion, maybe we wouldn’t be in this mess. Maybe sometimes it’s just better to call it quits before you fail.” 

Suki’s heart twisted.  _ No.  _

“No, it’s not,” Zuko said fiercely. “Look, Sokka, you’re going to fail a lot before things work out.” 

“That’s supposed to make me feel better?” 

“Even though you’ll probably fail over and over and over again—” 

“Seriously, not helping,” Sokka muttered. Suki wasn’t entirely sure where Zuko was going with this, but for once in her life, she was rooting for him. 

“—you have to try every time.” Zuko put a hand on Sokka’s shoulder, and Suki saw that Sokka didn’t flinch at the touch, the way she probably would have. 

_ He trusts me. I think.  _

Suki might actually believe him. 

“You can’t quit because you’re afraid you might fail,” he finished, and Suki was dangerously close to holding back a smile. 

Chit Sang rolled his eyes. “Hey, if you two are done cuddling, can we get a move on?” 

Sokka paused for a moment, and she saw him make a decision. “No, I’m staying.” He turned to her and Zuko. “You guys go. You’ve been here long enough.” 

Suki rolled her eyes. Like she was going  _ anywhere  _ alone with Zuko, Chit Sang, his girl, and his buddy. Like she was going anywhere without Sokka. She smiled at him. “I’m not leaving without you, Sokka.” 

Zuko smiled. “I’m staying too.” Suki wasn’t one to let go of a grudge, especially when he had nearly destroyed the only place she’d ever called home. But maybe she was wrong about him. Maybe people could change. Maybe they weren’t destined to repeat the mistakes of their parents.

“Not me. I’m out. Let’s roll, baby,” Chit Sang said, hopping into the cooler. They paddled forth, and Suki watched them go, steam rising, the heat of being so close to the boiling lake prickling her skin. 

“We gave up our only chance of escaping.” Sokka deflated. “I hope we haven’t just made a huge mistake.” 

Suki put a hand on his shoulder. “We’ll be fine, I know it.” 

He smiled at her, but it was half hearted. “Come on, we’d better get back before anyone realizes we’re gone.” 

As they crept up the walls of the prison, a sick elation pooled in Suki’s stomach. This wasn’t the end. Yue couldn’t leave her yet. 

They’d been going for hours when a clanging bell rang out. 

“They’ve been caught!” Sokka whispered, and the three of them started moving faster. “The gondola’s moving.” He gritted his teeth. “This is it. If my dad’s not there we risked everything for nothing.” 

“We had to,” Suki said firmly, gripping Sokka’s hand. He didn’t look at her, his eyes trained on the gondola. 

“Come on, come on.” 

One by one, the prisoners exited in chains. Suki hadn’t ever met Sokka’s father, but by the way his shoulders slumped as each new prisoner stepped onto the ramp, she guessed none of them were his dad. 

The last prisoner left, and Sokka’s eyes grew wide. “That’s it? That can’t be it.” 

“I’m sorry, Sokka,” she said, putting a hand on his shoulder. 

“Oh no.” His voice was thin and tight, and Suki felt much the same. They were trapped, and they couldn’t repeat the same scheme they’d tried before. There really was no way out. 

“Hey you! Get off the gondola!” a guard yelled. 

One last prisoner exited, a man who looked so similar to Katara that Suki couldn’t believe she could think that any other person was Sokka’s father. Sokka stood straighter, his eyes widening in recognition. “Dad,” he breathed. 

Sokka ran over to where the guards were “welcoming” the prisoners, and Suki winced as the warden gave the same speech she remembered from her own first days at Boiling Rock. 

But this was good. They had done the right thing.

Now it was only a matter of getting out.

___________________

Suki fell asleep the moment she got back to her cell. It was morning, so there was no chance of seeing Yue, but she was too tired to even think of it. 

She dreamed of her mother instead. 

She stood before Suki, dressed in a ragged blue tunic, her face pale and drawn, her eyes sunken and dark. The way she moved was exactly as Suki remembered: slow, jerky, as if every movement pained her. Her hair fell down her back in dark brown strings, stuck together and matted. 

“Is this what you need to see?” she croaked. 

Suki heard the crash of the waves on the shores of Kyoshi Island, saw the deep blue midnight, the stars glittering overhead, mocking her with how far away they were. And how big and bright, how close the moon. She’d never be able to touch a star, but she might be able to touch the moon. 

Her mother was on the shore this time, far away, a tiny shadowy speck in the vastness of the ocean and the night. The moon reflected a thousand times on the surface of the waves, shifting and changing with every new push, inconstant one moment and gone the next. But she heard her mother’s voice, clear as day, a ringing bell in the darkness. 

“I love her,” her mother whispered. “I have to. She’s my daughter. But I love you more.” 

The shadowy speck grew closer, and turned to face Suki. Her eyes glowed white, and she spoke with Kyoshi’s voice. “Is this what you need to see?” 

Suki woke up in a cold sweat, panting. 

She reminded herself that the dream could be a trap. Kyoshi was trying to get her to stop talking to Yue, and showing her mother was a way to do that. 

But maybe the dream wasn’t from Kyoshi. Maybe it was from her mother, telling her that she had  _ loved her. _

Suki couldn’t remember her saying that when she was alive. Suki was the bastard daughter of her affair with a pirate who had left her, the evidence that had taken her husband away from her, the stinging reminder of her worst mistake. And Suki had known, from her earliest notions of love, that she would always love her mother, and her mother would always leave her. 

But maybe that was wrong. Maybe she had loved her then. Maybe she still did, enough to do what she could to get her to stop from falling in love with the moon. 

Maybe she should listen. 

Suki stood, ignoring the pain, the jerkiness of her movements. It was time for a kata. 

She took a deep breath before beginning, trying to steady the wild beating of her heart. A punch through the air, a step, a kick, a slide and a hit. But it wasn’t fast enough. 

“Again,” Suki muttered to herself. She crouched and kicked, but she was still moving slowly. Something was holding her back. 

“Again!” 

She imagined an opponent in front of her, a shadowy faceless figure whose only purpose was to be defeated. A punch in the face, the neck, the groin, a kick to the chest and an elbow to the nose. 

“Again!” 

She had just finished it for the fourth time when the door of her cell opened, and Sokka entered, grinning. She steeled herself and stood straight. “What’s going on?” 

He looked to the left and then peeked through the slat in the door. “I don’t have much time. If I’m seen with you, the guards might think something’s up.” 

She nodded. He was right, and she was thankful for it. 

“I just talked to my dad.” 

“That’s great!” Her heart twisted a little, but she was happy for him. If anybody deserved to have a good relationship with one of their parents, it was Sokka. 

“Yeah, and we’re escaping today… on the gondola.” 

She frowned. “What?” She knew that Sokka was too smart to think that they could pull this off. How desperate was he? 

But then again, they were all desperate. They all needed to find a way out. 

“My dad and I came up with the plan together.” Suki knew that Hakoda was a great warrior, but still, the idea seemed doomed to fail. He put his hands on her shoulders, steadying her, but it didn’t feel the way it had felt before. “We’re gonna commandeer the gondola and we’re gonna take a hostage with us so they won’t cut the lines.” 

She moved his hands off of her shoulders. Something passed over his face—confusion? disappointment?—but he didn’t say anything. “We’ll never make it onto the gondola. There’s too many guards.” 

“My dad already thought of that. He said we’ll need a distraction. That’s why we’re going to start a prison riot!” 

He said that with too much hope in his voice. Suki knew these prisoners, knew the way that the warden had broken them down over days and weeks and months. It wouldn’t happen. “Okay, let’s say by some miracle this all works and we make it on the gondola. The warden will still just cut the lines, even if we have a captive.” 

Sokka put a hand on Suki’s shoulder, leaning in a little, a conspiratorial smirk on his face. “Not if the warden is the captive.” 

Suki’s eyes widened, but before she could say anything there were footsteps on the other side of the door. Sokka moved to leave, but before he could she wrapped him up in a hug. He was good and solid and rooted to the earth, flesh and bone, and yet she still felt hollow. Something was missing, and in the back of her mind she could see the sleeve of Yue’s silvery white dress, feel the warmth of her smile. 

“I’ll find you before we start the riot,” Sokka said, pulling away. He gave her one last smile, and left. 

She stared at the door of her cell for a few more moments. It was a harebrained plan, a plan that would hinge on luck as much as anything else. But they didn’t have enough time for anything better. 

She knelt on the ground, her hands resting on her knees, and closed her eyes.  _ Kyoshi protect me. Kyoshi protect me.  _

And then she thought about Yue. 

_ I love you.  _

_ Tell me that you love me.  _

_ Show me.  _

Her cell door opened with a clang, and she went out into the yard, where Sokka and Hakoda were waiting for her. 

“This is it,” Sokka said. “We have to start a riot.” 

“Okay, but how do we do that?” Suki asked. 

Hakoda looked towards one of the other prisoners and smirked.  _ Yeah, he’s definitely Sokka’s dad.  _ “I’ll show you.” 

He ran over to one of the other prisoners and shoved him, but the man just looked at Hakoda in confusion. 

Suki smacked her forehead. This was exactly why the plan wasn’t going to work. The people here weren’t the vicious rage-filled monsters Sokka and Hakoda thought they were, and they never would be. 

Sokka blanched. “This isn’t working.” 

“Hey you!” Chit Sang grabbed Sokka’s shoulder. “You’re lucky I didn’t rat you out. But my generosity comes with a price. I know you’re planning another escape attempt, and I want in.” 

Suki sighed. This just had to get better, didn’t it?

She saw Sokka make a mental calculation in his head before looking up at Chit Sang. “Actually, we’re trying to escape right now, but we need a riot.” He pointed at Chit Sang’s face. “You wouldn’t happen to know how to start one, would you?” 

Chit Sang waved Sokka’s hand out of his face. “A prison riot? Please.” He grabbed a man by the shirt and hauled him over his shoulders. “Hey! Riot!” 

The prisoners all yelled in unison, and Suki’s jaw dropped. How did that work? 

She looked over at Hakoda, who was sporting a similar expression. “Impressive.” 

So the prison riot was started, but this was only the first step of the plan. They still had to capture the warden, make their way onto a gondola, and get to the other side of the lake. And something told Suki that Sokka and his dad hadn’t had time to think through every one of those elements. They were going to need all the help they could get. 

Suki grinned. It was time. 

She ran towards the riot, vaulting over a man’s shoulders and jumping from head to head. For the first time in a long time, she felt light, completely free. The wind whipped around her, and she reveled in it. She was fast, she was fluid, and there was no pain in her movements at all. She was herself. 

She leapt from a man’s shoulders onto the wall of the watchtower, climbed up a little before pushing herself off of the wall, hooking her feet onto a rod and whirling around it until she was right side up again. Then, she grabbed onto the railing and somersaulted to avoid the flame of one of the Firebending prison guards trying to stop her. She vaulted over him and punched him in the ribs, sending him flying over the railing. More guards came towards her, and she crouched down to attack, ducking the first guard’s punch and grabbing his leg to flip him over, and then dodging the second guard’s fire attack with a jump, touching lightly on the railing to propel herself onto the next wall. There were hardly any footholds, but she used her momentum to carry her up to the next railing, before sliding across the ground and knocking down one last guard. She grabbed the warden’s wrist and twisted it to the right, her other fist in his face. 

“You wouldn’t dare,” he leered. 

Instead of dignifying that with a reply, she spun him around and tied up his wrists, using his headpiece as a gag. 

Even by her standards, this was pretty impressive. 

“Sorry, warden. You’re my prisoner now,” she said with a satisfied smirk before shoving him into a wall. 

Sokka, Zuko, Chit Sang, and Hakoda ran up to meet her. “We’ve got the warden. Now let’s get out of here.” 

Her smile got even wider seeing how the others were sweating and panting having done only half of what she did. “That’s some girl,” Hakoda said. 

“Tell me about it,” Sokka replied, grinning. Suki wanted to bask in the glow of the pride he felt in her, but instead all she could think about was the high of accomplishment, the way she’d moved through that crowd and captured the warden like it was nothing. How it felt like nothing in the world could stop her. 

Suki could feel energy, pulsating through her, light pouring out of her tired, starved body. It was the same way she felt sometimes in her Kyoshi Warrior uniform, like nothing could touch her because she wore the garb of the greatest Avatar the world had ever known. But this… this was older than the Avatar. 

This was a power only the moon knew. 

Chit Sang picked up the warden and hauled him over his shoulder. “Run!” 

They dashed up the stairs, to the platform from which the gondola departed. “We’re almost there!” Suki yelled. A trio of Firebenders laid down an attack, and Zuko shoved Sokka out of the way to neutralize them. His Firebending was different than before, Suki noticed: calmer, more controlled, but not the calculated, precise moves of his sister. The fire dissipated in a spiral of light, and Zuko yelled, “Back off! We’ve got the warden.” 

The guards stopped in their tracks, their eyes wide, and they let them pass. Suki held a fist up just in case. Just because they were almost out didn’t mean that this was the time to let her guard down. If anything, this was the time to be hypervigilant. One wrong move, and she’d be worse off than when she started. They all would be.

And besides, energy and light were thrumming in her ears, begging to be released. 

Zuko stayed behind as the rest of them sprinted onto the gondola. Suki opened the door to the gondola and waved everyone inside. She saw Zuko grip the lever that controlled the gondola until it started moving, and then he kicked it once, twice, and again until it broke. 

“What is that boy doing?” Hakoda mumbled. 

Zuko ran off of the platform and leapt, grasping Sokka’s hand and hauling himself up until he could roll inside the gondola. “What are you doing?” Sokka hissed. 

“I’m making it so they can’t stop us,” Zuko growled. 

Suki smiled approvingly. He knew his stuff. She supposed that’s why he was able to burn down her village. 

“Wait, who’s that?” Hakoda said, pointing to the platform.

“That’s a problem,” Zuko scowled. “It’s my sister and her friend.” The clear disdain he had for both of them made Suki like him just a little bit more. 

The Fire Nation princess and her partner in pink stood on the platform for a second, staring coldly at the moving gondola, before leaping into action. Suki’s stomach twisted as she saw them, the chi blocker running along the cables effortlessly, and the princess propelling herself with Firebending straight towards them. 

A strange calm settled over Suki. She’d failed to protect the other Warriors against these two back in Ba Sing Se, but maybe she could correct her mistake today. Maybe there was time left for her to regain her honor. 

Her eyes fixed on them. “This is a rematch I’ve been waiting for.”

“Me too,” Zuko said. She turned to face him briefly, and saw his quiet resolve as he steeled himself to face his sister. Maybe, after today, she would learn to trust him. Maybe they could even become friends. 

He locked eyes for a second and nodded before hauling himself onto the roof of the gondola. Suki was close behind, ready for the fight of her life. Sokka followed, unsheathing a… sword? She gazed at it for a moment, a beautiful dark gray weapon with a golden handle, and smiled. If they ever got to the point where they were friends again, after Suki told him what happened with Yue and broke up with him, probably breaking his heart in the process, she wanted to know everything about that sword. 

The girl in pink jumped off the cable and somersaulted onto the roof of the gondola, landing with a grace that Suki envied, although she would never admit it. She saw Zuko’s sister crouch behind him, but she couldn’t focus on that. This was what she had been waiting for. She had an advantage her opponent would never know, and she planned to use it to its fullest potential. 

The girl attacked first, aiming her small fist towards Suki’s stomach. Suki stayed on the defensive, knowing how deadly her tiny fists could be when they were at the right pressure points. The best strategy in this case would be to block her attacks as much as possible, letting her exhaust herself into a moment of weakness. That was when Suki would strike.  _ Wait, and listen.  _

Her opponent twirled, almost as if she was showing off, and Suki hit her ankle, knocking her off balance. The other girl fell over the side, but Suki didn’t hear a splash, and when she turned around she saw her again, unharmed and ready to strike.  _ How?  _ But there was no time to wonder as the fight raged on. Suki whipped around and kicked her, and for once, she was on the defensive, dodging the way Aang had last time she had sparred with him. 

She jumped back as the princess shot a huge ball of flame. She could feel the heat of it singeing her neck, but strangely enough, the pain felt far away. Maybe it was the adrenaline coursing through her veins, or maybe… or maybe it was something else. 

But she didn’t have time to think about it before she heard the warden yell, “Cut the line!” 

So this was how her good luck streak ended. 

The girl got a hit on Suki while she was distracted, but Suki grabbed her arm and pulled. The girl was attempting to extricate herself from Suki’s hold when the gondola stopped suddenly, leaving them both stunned as it rocked back and forth. 

The girl in pink shot Suki one last, cold look before scampering up to the top of the cable. “They’re about to cut the line!” 

The Fire Nation princess looked back towards the platform, and up at an incoming gondola. “Then it’s time to leave.” She blasted off, humor in her eyes. “Goodbye, Zuko.” 

The girl in pink followed her, vaulting off of her perch to the other gondola. Strangely enough, there seemed to be something like worry, or maybe even regret, in her eyes as she looked towards Zuko back on their doomed gondola. For a brief moment, Suki wondered about their history, but then she pushed it out of her mind. It didn’t matter. What mattered was, at least for now, Zuko was on their side and the princess’s friend wasn’t, and there was nothing more to it than that. 

They went back inside. “They’re cutting the line!” Zuko told Hakoda. “The gondola’s about to go!” 

“I hope this thing floats!” Chit Sang yelled. 

Suki knew it wouldn’t. She always knew her life would be cut short, but she didn’t picture it quite like this. Nevertheless, she shut her eyes, preparing herself for the end. 

But the end never came. 

The gondola started moving forward again, and Suki opened her eyes to see Sokka at the window. “Who is that?” 

Suki recognized her immediately, and grimaced. When she’d last seen her, she’d pinned four of her girls to trees, stolen their clothes, and then left them for dead. Or worse, Fire Nation prison. Suki may have been on the road to forgiving Zuko, but she wasn’t feeling quite so warm towards the knife girl.

Zuko, however, didn’t seem to have the same feelings. He stared at her with a quiet wonder. “It’s Mai.” 

Suki turned forward, towards where they were going. They weren’t out of the woods yet, she knew it, and Spirits be damned, she wasn’t going to let all of this be for nothing. As soon as the gondola touched the other side of the lake, she ran out. “Well, we made it out. Now what?” 

Sokka stopped and turned toward Zuko, who was staring forlornly at the place that they had spent all this time trying to get  _ away  _ from. “Zuko, what are you doing?” 

“My sister was on that island,” Zuko said bemusedly, as if they’d not been aware of that fact for some time now. 

“Yeah, and she’s probably right behind us, so let’s not stop.” Suki wanted Zuko to listen to Sokka so bad, for them to get away from this place, from the mess that her entrapment had caused her to make. 

“What I mean is, she must have come here somehow,” Zuko said, and Suki suddenly felt the urge to thank the Spirits for his arrival. He ran to the cliffside and pointed down. “There. That’s our way out of here.” 

Suki grinned as she started scaling the cliffside. They were free. Sokka’s crazy, harebrained plan had worked. 

But then, a small voice, deep in the recesses of her mind:  _ You’re not out of the woods yet.  _ And even though it was midday, she saw Yue’s face, felt the gentle press of Yue’s lips on her skin. 

This wasn’t over. 

_____________________

After they got back to the Western Air Temple and told the story of their daring escape to everyone over dinner, Sokka drew Suki away to talk alone. He was smiling shyly, and Suki opened her mouth to tell Sokka everything: how lonely she had been, how her surface connection with Yue developed into something deeper, how she still loved him so much, just not the same way she had before. But instead what came out was: “So what’s the story on Zuko?” 

He sighed. “He came to camp a few weeks ago to train Aang. Said he was ‘reformed’ and he wanted to help in the war, and teaching Aang Firebending was the best way for him to do that. I didn’t buy it at first, but he’s actually helped us a lot since he got here. Plus he helped me save you and Dad, so.” 

Suki smiled. “He seems like a useful person to have around. And I guess he isn’t as awful as he was when I last saw him.” 

“He’s changed,” Sokka said firmly. “Katara doesn’t believe it, and honestly, it took me a while to come around. But he’s different.” 

“I know,” Suki said. “I’m still mad at him for everything that happened, but I believe you.” 

His eyes softened, and he placed one of his hands over hers. “I’m really glad you’re here, Suki.” 

She looked down at their joined hands and swallowed. “Sokka, I need to tell you something.” 

He frowned. “What is it? Are you okay?” 

“I’m—” She was about to say that she was fine, but was she? Her heart didn’t feel fine, and her head was more muddled than ever. “You never told me about Yue.” 

He sucked in a breath. “I know. It’s hard for me to talk about. I—” He looked up at the crescent moon, tears pooling in his eyes. “I miss her.” 

“I know.” She bit the inside of her lip. “I do too.” 

Sokka turned back towards her, an eyebrow raised. “What do you mean, you miss her too?” 

“I—” 

“How can you miss someone you don’t even know?” 

“Sokka—” 

“No! There’s no way you could have possibly—” 

“Sokka. Please. Let me finish.” She pursed her lips. “This is hard enough as it is.” 

He ran a hand through his hair and focused his gaze on her. “Okay. I’m listening.” 

“Thank you.” She took her hand out of his and drew her knees up to her chest. The moonlight touched her skin, made the scratchy red fabric of her old prison uniform look ethereal. “I was in Boiling Rock for a long time. Almost two months.” 

He nodded. “I know.” 

“And in that time, I got really, really lonely. I couldn’t stop thinking about you, and about the other Warriors, and all I wanted was someone to talk to. And after some time, I finally got that.” 

The whole story came spilling out of her: how her mother had abandoned her for the moon, how she’d started talking to Yue and ended up falling for her, how Kyoshi had tried to get her to stop, how she’d asked Yue for protection just that morning. Sokka stayed very still throughout the whole story, and Suki couldn’t even begin to comprehend how he was feeling about it. 

When she was finished, he was silent for a long time. Finally, he said, “So it’s over now.” 

“What’s over?” 

“You and Yue. She said it was temporary, and now—well, now you’re not at Boiling Rock. You’re free.” 

She picked at a thread on her clothes. “It’s more complicated than that.” 

“She’s the  _ moon,  _ Suki. It can’t be more complicated than that.” His voice broke on the last syllable. “Trust me, if I thought there was any other way, I already would have tried.”

“What about Aang? Can’t he take people to the Spirit World? Maybe I could see her—” 

Sokka shook his head. “I asked Aang about that, right after she ascended. He told me—he told me that humans who fall in love with Spirits and try to pursue that in the Spirit World all end up in the same place, The Fog of Lost Souls, and they go mad with worry and heartbreak. For eternity.” 

“I don’t care.” 

“That’s exactly what I said, but he wouldn’t hear it.” 

Suki scowled. “Can’t non-Avatar humans find their way to the Spirit World on their own?” 

“For one thing, it takes a lifetime of study just to try, and for another, it’s  _ not worth it.”  _ Sokka gripped her hand. “Suki, listen to me. I miss Yue all the time. But I can’t stop living my life just because she’s not there. Katara, Toph, and Aang need me. And they need you too.” 

“I don’t care!” The words startled Suki, but in one single, awful moment, she realized she meant it. “My whole life has been about how much other people need me, Sokka! I’m tired of it. I just—I want something, for once.” 

“Too bad!” He got on his feet. “This war is bigger than you. It’s bigger than all of us. Yue understood that. She gave her life for her people, for the  _ world,  _ and you’re treating her sacrifice like it’s just an obstacle to you getting what you want.” 

Suki stared at him. The thing that had drawn her to him initially, the weariness in his shoulders, the knowledge that he was always going to have to put himself last—now, it was the wedge between them. 

“It’s not the same as it was before, is it?” she said softly.

He took a step back. “You just went through something awful. I’m sure if we give it time—” 

“No amount of time is going to fix this.” She clenched her fists at her sides. “We’re different.  _ I’m _ different.” 

He blinked back tears. “Suki, please—” 

“I’m going to sleep,” she said. “Good night, Sokka.” 

And with that, she turned around, and left him standing alone in the blue-gray moonlight, reaching for her. 

________________

Suki smiled when she saw Yue in her dreams that night, but Yue didn’t smile back. “He’s right, you know.” 

Suki shook her head, reaching for her. “I don’t want to talk about that.” 

“I don’t care.” She shied away from Suki’s touch. “You hurt him.” 

“I had to.” Yue turned away from her, crossing her arms over her chest. “Anything I said was going to hurt him.”

“That’s not true and you know it,” Yue said coldly. “You could have told him what happened, and that you were done with it, and done with me, and he would have been fine!” 

“You don’t know that!” 

“But you didn’t  _ do  _ that, did you?” Her black hair fell slowly to her sides, as if suspended in water, and stayed there. “I told you this was temporary.”

“That was then!”  _ But was it? What’s changed between then and now?  _ “I love you, Yue.”

“I know that,” Yue whispered. “And you know how I feel about you. But that doesn’t  _ fix  _ anything.” 

“I want to be with you.” 

“And you propose you actually do that?” Yue turned toward Suki, her eyes a strange mis of rage and wanting. “I’m a Spirit, you’re a human. We live in two separate worlds—” 

“But you bridged them!” Suki’s voice was stretched thin, and she could feel the fragile happiness they’d built in her mind beginning to crack. “You entered my dreams, and you changed my life for the better.” She grabbed her hand. “We can bridge our worlds again, Yue. I know it.” 

Yue stilled for a few breaths, and Suki allowed herself to hope for the impossible. To be here forever. “No, we can’t.” She got up and stepped closer to Suki, taking her hands in hers. “You have a war to fight. I have a people to protect. And we can’t—” The sentence tumbled apart into a dry sob. Yue shut her eyes and turned away from Suki. “We can’t do those things together.” 

Suki shook her head. “You’re wrong.” 

“I’m not.” She cupped Suki’s cheek. “This is the way it has to be.” 

Suki put one of her hands over the hand Yue was using to cup her cheek. “But I love you.” 

Yue smiled. “This isn’t about love. This is about duty.” She stepped closer to Suki. “Deep down, I think you know that too.” A tear rolled down Suki’s face, and Yue gently wiped it away. 

Suki sobbed, and Yue hugged her tightly, for what felt like hours, days. 

And that night, Suki got her lifetime with Yue. 

__________________

“Hey,” Suki said, sitting beside Sokka. “Can we talk?” 

Sokka nodded, and she led him to a small clearing at the temple. “What do you want?” 

Suki took a deep breath. “I need to apologize. For last night.” She swallowed. “I’m not talking to Yue anymore.” 

“That’s good,” Sokka said. 

“I don’t think we should get back together,” she said. “What I said last night, about me being different—I meant it. That’s not going to change.” 

“I know.” He smiled halfheartedly. “I’m different too.”

She smiled. She knew that, but it was nice to hear him admit it. He’d grown so much from the boy she’d met on Kyoshi Island. He was a man now. He knew exactly who he was and what he needed to do, and Suki found herself wishing that she had the same sense of purpose in her life that he did. 

“I still—I still want to be friends, though. If you want to.”

His smile got wider. “I’d like that.” He looked out to the night sky. “I can tell you stories about her, if you want.” 

She nodded. “Yeah. That sounds nice.” 

They settled on the ground, staring at the sky. “So when I first met Yue, I was so nervous that I asked her if she wanted to do an activity…”

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading! If you enjoyed that, I would super appreciate it if you could check out [ National Bailout ](https://secure.actblue.com/donate/freeblackmamas) an organization that works to end cash bail and to pay the cash bail of people currently in jail or prison. In particular, they have a program called #FreeBlackMamas that's working to reunite Black mothers who have been impacted by the prison-industrial complex with their children. 
> 
> if you want to see more of me you can follow me @army-of-mai-lovers


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